By Jemima Holmes
‘Sweetsing off’ is a practice that has become so common in Guyanese culture that it would be safe to go as far as to say it is too common, too degrading, too vulgar.
From a very young age, sometimes even before they hit puberty, young girls ready their minds to ignore the cat-calls from men twice their age whenever they set foot out of their homes.
While a proper response to cat-calling would be to ignore it, the vile, verbal abuse that usually follows whenever these types of men are ignored is an experience that every woman wishes she could forget.
Some men ‘undress women with their tongues’. More often than not, the comments that are thrown at women on a daily basis stem from the way women dress. “The dress tight and nice”, “That short skirt showing out them juicy legs”, “That top cut nice to show out your chest”, and the list goes on and on. On many occasions, it gets more degrading by the second.
As if words weren’t bad enough, there have recently been numerous instances when the excuses for raping women were based on their dress at the time of the incident. “She was dressed this type of way, it was inviting”, or “The clothes she had on were tempting me”. Case in point is that such behaviour has no proper excuse.
As 16 Days of Activism 2021 come to an end today, it is important to highlight that the common excuse for sexual harassment and abuse of women and girls is in fact not a valid excuse.
Accountable
Professional Social Worker Akilah Doris agrees, noting that perpetrators need to be held accountable for their despicable actions.
“I don’t believe that the way a woman dresses, or even a man dresses, should be an invitation to any form of unacceptable behaviour. We have to be held responsible and accountable for our own choices. I believe when the Word says ‘Yield not into temptation’, there is an acknowledgement that temptation is ever present, and we should not give in to it,” Doris shared during a panel discussion at the St. Sidwell’s Parish at the start of 16 Days of Activism.
She further stated, “To say ‘I did this because of the way you dressed’ is unacceptable. We have to exercise more self-control that that, and not, as we say in the professional world, gaslight other people; that is: blame other people for our poor choices.”
While assessing the topic, the Social Worker made it clear that the notion of ‘harassment’ is heavily dependent on the way it is taken by the said victim. For instance, there are many women who positively respond to cat-calls. This does not mean that the action cannot be considered harassment.
However, in the case where a woman or girl is offended by the same cat-calls, she has every right to denounce what she may then perceive as ‘harassment’.
“The truth is, we are beautiful people. We’re beautiful and unique in our own ways, and persons will look at us; women will look at men, men will look at women. When we act on those impulses, when we act on those thoughts that we have, then it can be perceived as a form of sexual harassment,” Doris said.
She went on to explain this perception by stating, “When you internalise that as offensive and the behaviour is continued, then that can be regarded as sexual harassment, and there can be grounds for the perpetrator to be prosecuted with that.
“Now, there are persons who take it as a compliment, so there is a thin line between regarding it as compliment or regarding it as a form of harassment. So, it all depends on the receiver. How am I internalising what is said and how I feel about it?
Looking is not the issue, it’s the action behind the looking,” she explained.
While the Social Worker was careful to highlight that the identification of harassment rests on the way the victim receives such, she was adamant in her belief that such behaviour is still unacceptable.
“The problem is not paying a woman a compliment; the problem is pursuing a woman to make her feel uncomfortable. For example, cat-calling. You’re walking in the streets and you can’t walk peacefully without being hustled, as we would say, and being told about how you look and what people would like to do to you,” the Social Worker enlightened.
“That is a form of harassment, and we really need to condemn it. It’s not okay,” she said.
As such, she made a call for these occurrences to be stamped out, not only in public places, but also in professional spaces. Doris posited, “We always advocate within the workplaces, ‘Keep it professional’. Don’t get comfortable complimenting your colleagues about how they dress and how they look; just keep it professional, because one day it can become offensive.”
Refrain from shunning
Also giving her opinion on the topic of a woman’s dress and how it may or may not invite harassment, Deputy Branch Leader of the St Sidwell’s Mothers’ Union, Alison Barkie, looked at it from the church’s perspective, noting that it is important to refrain from shunning women because of their dress code.
“I have seen people come to church in something that I may not wear to church, but what if that is what they have to wear to come to church? Isn’t the most important thing getting them here, where they may hear something that very day that can change their lives?” Barkie explained.
She went on to add, “If they wear something and they come, don’t turn them away, don’t look down on them, because you could be adding to their distress.”
Doris also weighed in with a Christian perspective, noting, “While I do not believe that, as believers in Christ, we should not be tempting anyone, I do not subscribe necessarily to the view that the way a woman dresses…invites any form of sexual abuse, harassment of assault.”
Going further, Doris highlighted that the ‘modesty’ most men – or even women – crusade for as a remedy to sexual harassment is entirely subjective. After all, women should be allowed to wear whatever makes them feel comfortable, and should not have to worry about the backlash they may receive for any outfit.
“I do believe (that) in a tropical climate as ours, wearing a whole lot of clothing can be very uncomfortable. I do believe that we need to be modest, but then again, that is subjective, and people need to be given the freedom to express themselves in a way that does not infringe upon the rights or privileges of other people,” Doris clarified.
When it comes to harassment in the church, Doris stated, “I believe the church can hold its members accountable, whether it’s males or females.”
There is much more that can be said about the causes and effects of sexual harassment with regard to dress code, but it would be important to remember that women – and in some cases men – are subjected to filthy remarks even when they are fully clothed and covered. Other times, it is the shape of their bodies that comes into focus, an attribute that no woman can control. As such, if these factors are out of women’s hands, then the ‘control’ in question should be exercised on the part of the perpetrator.
Whether it is dressing at home, in public, in the church, or even body types and attributes, there is no excuse for sexual harassment or abuse. There is no time and no place where a woman would beg to be treated in such a degrading way. [First published in the Guyana Times]
